Valentines and Ninja Turtles

Hello.
It's Valentine's day!
woo-hoo.

I've been seeing lots of hate for this holiday.
Why? The poor thing never did anything to you.

As Friend said, (and I summarize) "hating Valentine's day because you're single is like hating President's day because you're not the president, or hating groundhog's day because you're not a groundhog."

It makes no sense.
You don't have to be in love to be loved.
For example, I shall love you.
Here, be my valentine.

These are specially for you.

There are times I wish I were still in elementary school. Finding the most amazing valentine cards TO EVER EXIST EVER is definitely one of those times.


So I have nothing constructive for you today but I'm going to try to get another guest blogger soon.
What do you want to know? I'll find an expert for you. An EXPERT, I tell you.


Storytime!
I have the worst luck buying socks.
And we all know how much I love socks.

So I buy these socks, right?
And I take them home and open the package and put one on and,


This sock is the same width around the top as it is around the calf as it is around the ankle.
Conclusion: elephants. made. my socks.

AND THE FEET.
The feet were made for a duck. There is no other logical explanation.
The heel starts out the same width as the ankle/calf/top and just gets wider from there.

I have never seen a human being’s leg look anything like this sock.

Anatomy of my new socks:

I'm a lot of things, but world's best artist is not one of them, so you kind of have to use your imagination.
Actually not, that is the most accurate picture to ever exist.
homg, those socks.


Oh, look. I painted my fingernails to look like Ninja Turtles.

 

They look horrible, but that's OK cause it's still probably the coolest thing I've ever done.
Okay, that's officially all I have to say today.

Until whenever,

How to Edit a Book

Something I've noticed is that a lot of the time when people are giving you writing advice, they're all like, “Edit your book, edit your book!” But no one ever really tells you HOW to edit your book.

So here we go. Here’s an explanation of how I edit my books: break. it. down.

Step 1. by sentence.

Ask yourself:

a. What tense is this sentence? Sometimes, without even knowing it, you'll find yourself switching from past to present tense. Or maybe that's just me. Either way.

b. Is every word in this sentence absolutely necessary for it to make sense? Less is more. Usually. 

Step 2. by paragraph. 

Ask yourself: 

1. Are these complete sentences? Now, keep in mind that when people talk, they don't really talk in complete sentences 100% of the time. But if it's not dialogue, then it should be complete.

Even if it is dialogue,  make sure that you have complete sentences every once in a while so that the reader knows the character is capable of forming a complete sentence outside of it being accidental.

2. Are there any run-on sentences? This part is pretty self explanatory. I think we all learned in 3rd grade why run-ons are bad.

Step 3. by chapter. 

Ask yourself:

a. What is “smelled” in this chapter?

b. What is “heard” in this  chapter?

c. What is “tasted” in this  chapter?

d. What is “seen” in this  chapter 

e. What is “touched” in this  chapter? 

Sensory writing is probably the most important thing ever. J/K, but your writing won't be nearly as gripping unless the reader can personally sense what's going on. 

Step 4. highlight.

1. Highlight all words that end in LY in your least favorite color. Try to destroy that color. AKA: get rid of the LY words.

2. Highlight every character (both their speaking parts and parts where they are mentioned/talked about) in their own individual color. Now you have an awesome visual at how appropriate your characters' book times are. Obvioushint: the main character should have the most color, supporting roles should have much less. If someone only has a line or two of color... maybe consider getting rid of them. Clearly they're not all that important and it's just another character for the reader to remember. 

Then, if you're not ridiculously sick of your book, read it backwards so that you can catch all the misspellings and punctuation errors that neither you nor Microsoft picked up on. If you are ridiculously sick of your book then still do this cause really you're not reading it. 

And that's how it's done. 

I mean, there are actually a vajillion ways to edit a book... but this is mine. It's thorough. It's effective. And it's fool proof. 

Probably. 

After all this, you can send it to friends, before or after returning it to normal colors, and see what they think. 

Voila. You're welcome.