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Thursday, December 29, 2011

Creatively Constipated

I've written a few posts on writer's block so far, but this one is different.


Why? I don't know, don't ask dumb questions.

Now, writer's block. You have it, we all get it, it's nothing to be ashamed about.

There's probably an app for that.
But we'll do this the old fashioned way.


Tip #1: Research. 
You gotta know your stuff. Luck is great, but it's a terrifying thing to rely on. And there's no way you have all the research you need at this point in the writing process unless you happen to be the nerdiest kid on the face of this planet.
You can always learn more. Always. I have so much writer's block time that I literally know everything about the city my book takes place in.
I mean, holy goodness, I know the crime rates, elevation, cost of living, estimated income, how much carbon monoxide is in the air there, how many walmarts there are... etc.
It's highly likely that this information will never in my life come in handy, but at the same time, I know my world. I probably know it better than 90% of it's residents. This way, my book will have no room for inconsistencies.
Also, you still feel productive while not being able to actually write.


Tip #2: do NOT edit. 
I hear people all the time say that they go back and edit while they suffer writer's block. And I'm like, 
All joking aside, 9 times out of 10 editing while writing is a horrid idea. One, you get confused, two... I don't actually know what two is, but there are definitely more reasons. 
I say 9 out of 10 because I actually know a published author that edited while they wrote. So, it's possible, yes. But they'd been writing for years before this particular instance. If you haven't proven it to be effective for you, I wouldn't even try it.
Say no to drugs and editing while writing. 


Tip #3: Outline. 
Don't roll your eyes at me. I'm serious. I know half the people that write don't use and outline. But think for a moment, you've already written at least something so far. So stop and outline what you've written. Usually, this will jog your memory about what needs to come next. 


Tip #4: Interview your characters. 
Grab some questions off the internet. You can google dating questionnaires like e-harmony's or whatever. Grab about ten questions that are relevant to your character and then write out answers as though your character were answering them. It doesn't sound very effective, but really, it's fantastic. Like, cake and ice cream fantastic. You learn so much about your characters this way. Actually, I'd recommend this even if you don't have writer's block. 


Tip #5: Tell someone what you're trying to say. 
Grab an unsuspecting victi- I mean friend, and tell them about your story. Not only are you getting the words out, but you'll be surprised with how many new ones you come up with. 
If you can't find a person, talk to a cardboard cutout. Or a stuffed animal. Or a chair. Whatever floats your boat. Just make sure you're saying it out loud. 
(Also make sure you're alone, because talking to inanimate objects is a sure way to make people worry about you.)


Tip #6: Unplug your internet. 
What is this madness? Unplug my internet? You cannot be serious! 
I am. 
Facebook and Tumblr are not helping you. Make sure you don't have any internet distractions. Almost 90% of writer's problems comes from being on the internet while writing. 
Just kidding, I made that statistic up. But I dare you to tell me you don't have a problem writing when you're simultaneously stalking facebook photos and trying to overcome your writer's block. 


Tip #7: Write complete and utter crap.
Yep. Go all out. Write the stupidest thing you can possibly think for five minutes. Write a love story between a hippo and a unicorn. Write a story about a mermaid that can't swim. Write something, anything, for five minutes.


Tip #8: Just do it. 
Can't think of a sentence? make a note, all caps, bolded, highlighted, whatever you need to catch your attention later, and then move on. Fill it in later. You don't have to have everything perfect just yet. When the time comes for you to make everything perfect, that's when you have an agent telling you what to clean up.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Touchy Subjects in Books

One of the questions I get asked quite a bit when people find out I'm a writer is about touchy subjects in books. Subjects that include sex, cursing, and even religion.

There is no easy answer to this question. I can't just give you a cookie-cutter response and leave it at that.
Everyone is different. Everyone likes different things, everyone has a different maturity level, and everyone believes differently.

Since this is such a difficult subject I asked four other writers to help me out with this. A well-rounded answer is a good answer.

My first "interview" was with Shiraz, the author of Defenders of the Scroll. He's also the writer of the GI Joe: Invasion of Cobra Island short. He summed it up nicely by saying, "I see nothing wrong with any of those things, but how they are presented is key. There're novels with sex and there's erotica. There're novels dealing with religious themes, discrimination and even persecution and there are novels that promote them. There's also the matter of audience. If introducing any or all of these, be sure to promote your novel to the correct target audience. Some people will always be against it and other's for it, so make sure you're presenting to the most people who are for it."

Jeyn Roberts, the author of the newly-released book Dark Inside, had a lot of great things to say on these topics as well. I asked her what she thought about sex in books and she says, "Sex is real and hiding it or pretending it doesn't exist is a bad idea. How much is too much? Glorifying sex isn't really that great. There's a lot of pressure on teens today and it's a bit unfair. Because the reality is, we grow up and realize that these things aren't as important as we first think."
I also asked her about the use of strong language in YA books. Roberts says, "Yep. We all curse. It's foolish to pretend otherwise. Sometimes there are no other words to use to describe what we're feeling. Too much cursing gets boring though."

The mastermind behind humorous writing blog You Write Funny, Ryan Greenspan, also had something to say about cursing. "It's crucial if you're going to establish an authentic voice. Unless your character is super religious, he or she is going to swear. It doesn't have to be "F this and F that," but it has to be authentic and age-appropriate."

My last interview was with Sharon Jonhston, the author of short story Growth, which is featured in the anthology The Basics of Life. I asked her what her opinion was on the topic of religion in books. Sharon said, “I think I’m a bit biased on this one as I have written Inspirational fiction, so I have no problem with positive religious messages. It doesn’t need to be ramming it down people’s throats though." She even added, "I’d love to see more books in this genre.”

Sharon also had great things to say about the other topics. She adds to what Jeyn and Shiraz said with, "I do believe that writers have an obligation to tread the fine line between depicting reality and standing on moral ground. Fiction can also be a part of education for teenagers, so avoiding topics like sex, drugs and alcohol deprives them of information they are desperate for." She ended our topic of cursing with this, "Did you know that Ron swears in Harry Potter? You may have missed it as J.K.Rowling dealt with it by writing: Ron swore." I personally take the same approach in my books. As the others said, it's ridiculous to pretend teens don't curse. Some people just have a problem with cursing, and that's perfectly OK. I don't like doing it, but sometimes it's just necessary to make the scene real. When I come across that particular instance, I let the reader know cursing took place, but I leave the words blank. Trust me, that's one blank your readers will have no problem filling in.

Jeyn put it well when she concluded, "In all honesty, I don't think anything should ever be banned from books. Life is full of variety and so should books. It's up to us to pick and choose the ones we want to read."
Ryan expanded on that by saying, "We shouldn't censor ourselves thinking about what others might think. If your story can be made more compelling and more authentic with cursing and sex and by dealing with religion, then our job as writers is to use those tools."

Personally, I don’t feel like there’s much left unsaid. Topics are appropriate to the target group. If you don’t like a book, put it down. It’s that simple. One opinion shouldn’t dictate the whole publishing industry.
The theme so far seems to advise the use of discretion. Don't leave everything out because you're afraid of offending someone, but don't go purposely trying to offend either. If it's not necessary to enhance the plot, cut it. Less is more when it comes to writing.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Book Review: The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins


 
In the ruins of a place once known as North America lies the nation of Panem, a shining Capitol surrounded by twelve outlying districts.

The Capitol is harsh and cruel and keeps the districts in line by forcing them all to send one boy and one girl between the ages of twelve and eighteen to participate in the annual Hunger Games, a fight to the death on live TV. Sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives alone with her mother and younger sister, regards it as a death sentence when she is forced to represent her district in the Games. But Katniss has been close to dead before-and survival, for her, is second nature. Without really meaning to, she becomes a contender. But if she is to win, she will have to start making choices that weigh survival against humanity and life against love.

I've been meaning to read this book for quite a long time now. The recent release of the movie trailers have convinced me to go ahead and do it already.

I was instantly bored, and the only thing that kept me reading was the reassurance from friends that it would get better further in. There was far too much telling and not enough showing. Which isn't really the author's fault. Stories that are that action-packed are incredibly difficult to portray in words.
I have a feeling the movie will do better than the book, but I have to give mad props to the author for coming up with such a great story.

I thought the romance was played up too much. I'm big on cheesy romance, but they kissed every other word. It was kinda getting on my nerves. I knew Katniss wasn't really into him, but Peeta was killing me. I actually got pretty into the book by the end of it and was loving how much he loved her.

Once I forced myself past the first couple pages, I actually read the entire thing in one sitting. I thought the author played the emotions of the reader (myself) very well. I was hating the capitol, and feeling sorry for the tributes. It was a pretty emotional book. I felt that with more showing and less telling, I would have probably cried at least once. Maybe even multiple times. 

All in all, I skimmed a lot during the first part. Once it got to the actual hunger games, I was enjoying it much more. 

This is one of those books that I don't have much to say about. It's a book that speaks for itself. It's not one of my favorites, and I'll probably never read it again, but I'm definitely glad I read it. It's given me a lot to think about and is making me quite excited for the movie. 
I only hope they do the story justice. 

On goodreads.com I gave it 3/5.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Commas are Friends, and they Sometimes Save People from Being Given Away in Radio Contests.

Grammar Lessons from Radio Stations, episode one:

The other day, a local radio station sent out an e-mail advertising their Christmas contest. They said, and I quote, "fill this out and you could win Deena!"

. . . I'm fairly certain I didn't sign up to be a contest prize, so they should really add a comma to that to avoid any further confusion.

Incorrect: "you could win Deena!"
You can't sell/give away people without their permission. Even with their permission it's generally frowned upon in society. 

Correct: "you could win, Deena!"
yay! I can win prizes because my name is Deena and clearly they are talking to me!

Now that we all understand the importance of grammar, let's move on. 

Has anyone but me heard they are coming out with a new Great Gatsby next year?
I do believe they intend to murder every single classic, one re-make at a time. 
I'm losing my will to live.

OK, just kidding. All I'm losing is my TV watching time, which has now been reduced to an hour a week (gotta watch my Once Upon a Time) for no other reason than lack of anything worth my time. 

I also went ice skating last weekend. #random
I haven't been in a long time. Which is sad, because I love ice skating. 
I don't really know why I told you that, I just felt it needed to be said. 

So really I actually wanted to ask if any of you have ever noticed little kids geeking out about Santa and how he's going to come and leave presents for them but when they see him in the mall they run in screaming terror. 

So after skating, we went to the mall (see, I knew the skate story had a purpose). At the mall, Santa was there and all the little kids wanted to go sit on his lap. 
That's probably not entirely true...
by the sounds of it, it was more like the parents had dragged their poor, Santaphobic children to the mall for last minute pictures. 

These children were horrified. And I don't even know why. Santa looked quite jolly and red enough. What is so scary about a fat, happy man that gives you free presents? Two words for you, children, FREE. PRESENTS. 

Apparently something about him is scary though, because this one little boy was screaming so loud, I actually felt bad for him. Before I had time to feel too bad though, the kid up and took off across the mall like Santa was going to murder him. 

I'm not even kidding, this kid ran. He booked it like the gingerbread man. 

Why are kids afraid of Santa? Someone explain this to me, I would google it, but I got some inappropriate ones the other day so I'm currently afraid of google results. 
Also, it's more interactive this way. 
Sorta. 

anyways, goodbye.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Happy Potter Posts


So, I found this on Tumblr. I just about died laughing.
Someone asked this horridly typoed question on tumblr, the following responses were a culmination of reblogs and comments that left me gasping for breath.



Happy Potter, the boy who laughed.



Happy Potter and the Chamber of Smiles

Happy Potter and the Comedian of Azkaban

Happy Potter and the Smiling Stone

Happy Potter and the Goblet of Giggles

Happy Potter and the Lively Hallows

Happy Potter and the Happy Bubbly Prince

Happy Potter and the Order of the Puppies


I can't stop laughing. The P and the R aren't even by each other…
Oh, internet, I love you.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Novel Writing Help, Conveniently Located.

First of all, happy December. 
NOW, If you're anything like me, you're probably far too lazy to look through my archives for things.
Actually, if you're like me, the thought never would have crossed your mind.

Luckily for you, I know I'm like that. So here we go, all my (hopefully) helpful posts conveniently located under headings for your ease of use.


If your characters aren't strong enough, or if you're trying to develop them, or you're an overachiever, then this is the post for you:
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2012/11/character-outline.html


If you're working on your plot and need an easy way to outline, then you'll probably get some good out of this:
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2012/11/plot-outline.html


Can't use a comma to save your life? Join the club. Also, click here:
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2011/03/on-comma-placement.html


Don't understand semi-colons, ellipsis, or dashes? Here you go:
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2011/04/ellipsis-dashes-and-semicolons-oh-my.html


Writing a book and have no clue where to start? This is the post for you:
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2011/04/lets-write-book.html


Are you writing a zombie book or just impressed with zombies in general? Here you go:
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2011/04/tuesday-tips-destroying-world-in-three.html


Having trouble building your world? Here's a guest blogger with one of the most helpful posts I've ever read:
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2011/05/tuesday-tips-world-building.html


Have questions about the word count of your novel? Here:
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2011/05/word-count.html


Need help writing a chapter worth reading?
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2011/05/writing-chapter-worth-reading.html


If you don't know what genre your book is then you might want to check this out:
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2011/05/pairing-correct-genre-with-your-novel.html


writing a romantic comedy?
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2011/06/tuesday-tips-romantic-comedies.html


getting ready to query?
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2011/06/how-not-to-write-query-letter.html


Are you currently editing?
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2011/08/proofreading-spelling-tips.html


battling writer's block?
http://deenashoemaker.blogspot.com/2011/11/overcoming-writers-block.html

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Analogies that Fail so Hard they Actually Win.

got these analogies from: House of Figs.


1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
her eyes were like eyes, guys.

2. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.
but not nearly as tall as a 6'3" mountain.


3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
wow, you mean those things actually work?

4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
that's almost as eerie as Wheel of Fortune coming on at 5:30 instead of 6:00.

5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
I think I sense some foreshadowing here...

6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

she sounds lovely.

7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
The dog wizzed on the fire hydrant after rising, en pointe, and extending his slender hind leg.

8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
blasted land mines. making the ducks of America lame.

9. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
infidelity: now an ATM machine.

10. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
wait....... my lamp isn't really an inanimate object?!

12. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
unfortunately, he wasn't in a hefty bag. so cleanup is going to be much worse.

13. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
OMG, that guy came to my high school yesterday!

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
ok, so wait. is this a love story or a math problem?

15. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
unless you have a suppressor...

16. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
...remind me to avoid dinner at their house.

17. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.


18. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
I'm not going to ask how you manage to accidentally do that, but I would assume that they are referring to childbirth? or perhaps a broken femur? 

19. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
Here in America we sure do like adrenaline rushes.

20. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
They say love is blind. I'm going to assume that on occasion it's deaf too.


21. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
Crayola crayons: gettin' it right since 1903.

22. He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know, the one who goes
woo woo woo.



So in other words...... he wasn't bald?

23. The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches itself a lot and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas.
Somebody sounds a little bit bitter.

24. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
which would explain why the description is quite lacking.

25. The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.
I just...... this..... this guy is really smart. and I have nothing to say about him.