Mostly About Hollywood.

So I'm not certain if you've all heard or not.... but they're remaking Footloose.
OUTRAGE!


Are the 80's too old-fashioned now or something?
I missed the memo about the original no longer being entirely FANTASTIC.
It was probably the same guys that didn't like Pluto being a planet.

Dear Hollywood,

YOU DON'T REMAKE CLASSIC.
For real.

Kevin will never be replaced in my heart.
In honor of him, here, enjoy a picture.

Bacon strips. Get it?

Speaking of the horrors of Hollywood, let's talk about books-gone-movies.
I heard some girls the other day in the mall. Let me reply this scene for you.

"Like, I totally had no idea that that movie was a book, get out!"
"I know riiiiight? It's totally weird, right? I mean, they still make those things?"
<insert shrill annoying laugh>
"Like, read? Get real!"

Of course.
Because enriching your vocabulary and exercising your imagination is a ridiculous thought.
There's no point in reading the book when you can watch it.
Why enrich your brain when you can rot it out?

Anywho.

How about that new facebook mini-feed?
What happens when all 534 of your friends do something at the exact same time?
"Now watch your minifeed rotate like the screen of a slot machine."
*bing bing bing*

Speaking of, remember that Mario game where you could play as the princess and every time you beat a world you got to gamble away whatever you found in that world?
Cool right? Teaching kids to gamble at the ripe young age of 5. 

No matter what terrible things it taught me as a child, I loved that game.

And when Mario died? Did you ever find anything strange about that? You'd burn his butt and he's fall downwards as he died.
What were they insinuating?

So I was walking through Wal-Mart the other day and I saw this movie. Free Willy 239082038213.
The original boy is an "old man" now so they had to recast the role. Now it's Bindi the jungle girl?
Whales don't live in the jungle.
What kind of sense does that even make??


They also cast a new whale.
Mainly because the original died a couple years ago.
When the whale's dead, it's time to get some new ideas.

I sound heartless. I actually loved Keiko. (the whale, keep up here.)
I used to live in Iceland where they shipped him cause they couldn't keep him off the beaches.
I mean, DUH. You raised him in a movie for crying out loud.
He thinks he's an actor now.
Anyways, I got to see him in person. I was totally honored to be in his presence.
It was like I was meeting my favorite childhood star, because let's face it.
Free Willy 1 was BOMB.
I lived for that movie.

I mean the cover alone.
Dude, there was a whale jumping over a human being.
My four year old mind was blown.

For some reason, I actually thought that if I watched it... a whale would jump over my own head.
Unfortunately, this never came true. But ten years later he did jump in front of my face.
Hey, you take what you can get.
That was clooose enough. I'm happy.

Speaking of fantastic childhood movies, who remembers Dumbo?
I mean, WHAT. THE. HECK.
What were you thinking, Disney producers?

"Hey, guys! I have a great new idea for a movie! Let's make a movie targeted towards babies and toddlers about an elephant the same age they are and then TAKE HIS MOTHER AWAY FROM HIM."


Yes. Traumatize all the smallish children on this planet? LET'S.

Somehow, despite the sheer panic I felt while watching that movie, I loved it.
I was in tears watching that movie. Always.
I mean, I literally DIED inside like it was brand new to me every time.
Ahh the magic of toddlerhood.

I would run to my grandma sobbing, "IS DUMBO EVER GONNA GET HIS MOMMY BACK!?"
And my grandma would be like, "Well, I don't know, Deena. Did he get his mommy back the LAST time you watched this movie?"
And, of course, this should have let me know right away that Dumbo would indeed be reunited with his mother. Unfortunately, this was not the case.
I was still devastated.
"Yes?"
To which my grandma would tell me, "Then chances are that he's going to get his mother back this time."

So the movie would be over everyone would cheer and I would feel like I had just been personally reunited with my own Dumbo-like mother.

And I'd wanna watch it again.

And my reactions came right on target just like a movie of their own. 

Don't judge me.
TELL ME THIS DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY EVERY TIME.

I would just like to throw in one more little thing here before I go.
I was browsing the web as I was writing this, (as I usually do) and I came across this writing group called "Great Minds."
Obviously the namesake of the quote "great minds think alike."

For the sake of argument let's think about this for a second.
Great minds DON'T think alike.
Within the confines of conformity, creativity is lost.

And you can quote me on that.

Yeah, I'm deep.
Don't look so surprised.

P.S. For health reasons, I would like to clarify that my mother is nothing like Dumbo... I simply meant to say that I felt Dumbo's mother was my own mother and that I was being reunited with her.
My mother is very skinny and perfect and beautiful.
She also reads my blog.